thanks to all my dears.. >.< mel jie and all faithful readers of my blog.. wuhahaha. thanks for those concerns u've all been giving towards me (: i'm fine now. thanks. =D

got back report bk today. fail one sub overall..by 3marks!!! grr.. and tt's of cos, my phys which i've NEVER done well before... next yr shld realli focus on it man. i've improved on many subj.. but as wad ms picca say, there is still rm for improvements. i mus strive harder to get JC scores and perphas, used tt to aim for a poly.. oh ya, i can go TPJC so long i've <2o so i nid to practise back all those (: but i doubt if i can pass the interview ): but i supposed, i'm aiming to s'pore poly (: *cheers my results (overall): eng: 56 chi: 68 Amath: 70 Emath: 71 P.Chem: 51 P.Phy: 47 Combined: 57 P.Geo: 52 CME: B IPW: A Percentage: 59.0 L1R4: 17 L1R5: 23 Conduct: EXCELLENT =P i wan to go into the edu course in poly!!! (: those kinds which i can go into the educating systems after i graduate.. b'cos my dream is to be a teacher!! whahaha... dun luff!!!! tt's jus my dream to be a good teacher.. (: our class recieved the most P & C certs in the whole sch!! well done ppl! *claps*

mdm sim promised to be there. but she broke her promise )= how can she do that? *sighs*

does anyone give a damn towards me and to wad i'm thinking or even to the things i'm doing?? i'm sooo peace off wif everything. no one seemed to care or even concern abt me today. maybe i'm jus like tis. maybe i'm jus a straight loner. maybe i jus have my own feelings, my own thoughts and tis place cant tolerate me and i jus cant find a place to fit myself in here. `sighs. my mood was pretty bad. i was the MC (wif des) of tis year's "fashion show design" where students came out wif creative ideas to decorate a clothing and the "models" wear them and parade. it was so irriating and tiring. no one appreciate our hardwork and effort. (hello, we had to repeat the same scripts for 7 times.) no one, absolute no one appreciate it. des and me wanted to shout and blast thru the mike saying "hello, we are here talking and can u jus shudup and listen to us???" i do badly wanted to do that. but i suppose, i jus cant. it was so sickening b'cos we didnt have any scripts to start and in the end we managed to have one last minute wif sickening handwritting and even the-doc-mosses cant even understand and SHE expects us to. wtf. the models are nice ppl. hahas. c(: and i teased one of them.. whahaha. after which i went back to class after all those unappreciated-work which wasted my time and money (as i cant go to the chinese enrichment course - and it cost 14 bucks) no one seemed to be bothered wif me. i came into my class like nobody's business. well, i admit there are some who care. but others jus simply cant be bothered. i mean i'm not those who crave for attention. but at least i jus wanted to noe and assure myself that there are at least some ppl who cares for me. but no. no one seemed to give a damn on me. i badly wanted to run away and hide myself. yet who knew? ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. i wanted to talk abt my prob. but there is no one to hear me out. no one who even looked at me straight and asked abt my prob. i wanted to asked her* whether she give a damn to wad i'm doing. if some day i asked her to choose btw me or that grp (i'm NOT jealous) i doubt she'll jus say them. i'm jus a big burden for her to carry. i tink she knows it herself too. she wanted to leave me alone but didnt dare to bring up the topic to me. ~ [perphas i'm jus a little sensitive] ~ i waited in the inter for u to arrive. i went to buy a carrot cake and waited for ur appearance. as expected, u came abt jus after i eaten the carrot cake and at first i decided not to wait for u anymore. at the same time, 28 came. i supposed i looked like an idiot standing there. dunnoe whether to give u wad i bought for u or jus leave it and gave u tmr (or when we r back once again) having a dilemma. and in the end, i decided jus to give u the things and jus walked away-w/o any form of tears, to be brave like wad i used to be. and i did. tt's wad happen. i dun mean to say i'm pushing the blame all towards u or to me. to me, no one is in the wrong. perphas we jus arent suitable for each other. perphas tis is jus a conflict in frenship. i dunnoe. i went home straight after that. i admit, i have that attitude. i slam all my hse and rm door; wadever doors there are. my mom was so surprise. i suppose she knew, definitely there's smt wrong.. cos i dun realli do those. and she asked. i refused to talk to her anything till now. is like she doesnt even know or cared abt my probs. she jus doesnt gib me security. `sorry. the sickening dentist was not opened AGAIN. and i'm so irriated. i'm not going anymore. smt i tink wth am i so nice for? giving off them and letting ppl noe i'm always there for them, be it up and down yet, do i even get back the least bit of kindness? it's so unworth. i wanted to make ppl happy, so long they are wif me and even away frm me. yet, i've already tried my best but wad do i ever get back? all those stupid frenship probs and backstabbing. i've had enugh of all those. we are getting our report books tmr. and i'm so bloody scared. i want to be promoted!!! we get our booklist today. oh man.. tis'd mean wasting $.. *sians* sure hse will have quarrels de. we have our new timetable for the extra week. i dun say i looked forward to seeing the teachers la.. but it's jus for our own good. wad can i do? fuck. shudup. leave me alone.

we didnt have any schoolings today (which i tink i rather have them) because we had sit 3h straight right in the morning after the morning assembly. we had a science programme which was pretty boring.. i've learnt some things la.. but i was veri veri boring. i bet there are alot of ppl sleeping. i saw jerry did that =P after which we had our recess and after that, it was the math period.. everyone was slacking.. onli some "guai" people (like me) were doing their work.. after that, we went to hall AGAIN. tis time for some sickening talks again.. smt on money... and we were delayed! so we went back late... after which me and esther go and eat at long john before she had to rush home. i was totally dry when i was out of the bus, in the bus-stop. and i find that the bus driver was pretty nice (: he jus open the front door as he knew that ppl would be drenched if they left by the back one. the wind was sooo strong that my umbrella almost break off =( luckily i wasnt flying off toogether =P and finally, when i reached the void deck of my block, i was jus like luo tang ji (wet frm head to toe) `i hate rainy days!

piece if good news (: I'M CHANGING MY PHONE SOON! perphas in the dec holis cos it'd mean discount. and mind u, i'm paying for it. so i nid to save *sobs* esther came to my hse to watch ghost movie =X we watch a NC16 show!!! -the wig- and -the maid- it's soooo nice.. after which we do amath tys (: so nice hor.. we're good kids =P i'm so scared of today's promotion day... i dun wan to retain or change class.. i jus wan to remain in 4e3 in 2oo6... `sighs

it was quite stupid actually. doremon and i went to dhouby ghout jus for tuition. and the journey took us like 1h jus to get there. and i still nid to go back. which means, i'll have to travel 2h on mrt to go and head back home. we even got to the wrong building as both of us we the first time going and we didnt even know where it was. it was ME who find the map =P (or rather i drew out one nice one) we overshot the building as we thot both were the same building. being normal person, we went up to the fourth floor. looking at those room number, we could tell we are wrong. and so we went to the first floor and asked for direction lor.. finally, we got back the the right one.. it was that we didnt c the entrance jus merely cock eye and not retarded (: the people there are damn clever. most taking HCL or are in super good schools. *sighs* the lesson was pretty boring *yawns*

things are getting alittle better. told my parents on my SA results liao luckily outcome not wad i expect they jus told me to study harder seems wierd isnt it? they seemed to be more understanding and less strict maybe we have grown up i looked thru the past entries i realised this: in the past, i hate u so much for the rumours and for no reason now, i'm beginning to miss u u used to care so much on me now u dun anymore when can i learn to forget u since there's someone else in u i've to try and help myself it's so hard to <3 smiley, i know u'll never come upon tis post or even noe u r my smiley =P. i know u r good towards me. but as wad i've said in the sms, i dun wan to hurt, i dun wan to be hurt as well. i tink it's impossible for us to be together. at the most, we can onli me veri veri good frens. both of us perphas wanted companion. but frens will work up itself nicely rite? i dun c the nid to be together. perphas i still have my fears. i'm sorry. i'm so nice to help mdm ho do the work for permutations and combinations (:

i looked thru the archives of my past post. suddenly, i realised how much lonely i'm. i've been having frequent quarrels wif ppl ard me and i found out i've been failing lots of tests and exams. i shldnt have taken much notice of u. i shldnt be wasting my time of tis kind of puppy-love relationship. i shld be concentrating on my results; for my o next yr. so perphas, i have to be veri hardworking the next yr and in the 2 weeks of extra lessons. i wont care even if frens of other sch are mean and started laughing. well, TPSS is great. b'cos the teachers are sooo hardworking to help us. (: so, being good student of the sch, we shld study hard =P i realised i'm been rather unhappy regarding the class committee stuffs. i guess i wont make myself involve in them next yr. and of cos, to put in "nice" words, i shld let others have a chance since i've been involve in them for 2years now.

got back all my eoy papers. all the results are fucking lousy. fail 2 subjects. phys and geo. it's not as if i didnt study. they are my main focus. i forsake play during weekends jus to study phys [before also got la. not last minute ok?] and geo is the worst. the greatest impact for me. it's totally like @!$#!^%#*& i studied 3 weeks before the exams and constantly study like everyday lor. and i fail the worst. mr chew say mus understand wad the question is asking. cos me and yongli is dun understand the question so in a way, all is rubbish; absolute rubbish like wad he says. he says we are the weaker ones. *sighs* no wonder when he asked who's estimated marks is fail that time, he's like giving me a wierd expression. i shld have expected it lor.. i never expect myself to fail. i expected a b4 when we were estimating our marks. and the diff is alot. i suppose yongli is feeling jus as bad as me. i wont say my marks. but mine's the same as yongli and another person.. wanna know then go ask them lor. i saw mdm sim outside GO today. didnt wanted to call her. maybe b'cos of my marks. *sighs* realli wanted to get good marks for geo b'cos of her, myself (: guess i jus have to work double harder for it. glad to c my chem pass though i noe there r lots of simpathy marks given. emath are my pride now. the highest among all subjects. amath results sux. dunnoe wad happen in the exams. i thot it was pretty easy. lose to him [the person mentioned b4]. `sighs. did badly wanted to.. chiben top again.. congrates! 1A, 1B, 4C, 1D, 1E. thanks des (: hope u will win yzk in o next yr! jiayous thanks daddy and mummy (: i promise to work hard for next exams thanks my dearest 3e3 for those who encourage me eg. ter thanks smiley (:

i'm super lazi and tired now.. i dunnoe wad to do except to blog. maple cannot play lorr.. maintainance.. and i'm bored *yawns smiley is out for job interview and it arent nice to disturb. so i decided not to sms him and let myself be bored.. he promised to sms me de lorr.. and he didnt =( maybe haven his turn lorr. wad can i say? even he go find gf also liddat. jus that i wont sms lorr.. [like mr d liddat- i noe who his gf is.. haha] mom's frens coming my hse for entertainments affairs => majong.. which to me = loud noise; great pollutions. decided to go esther's hse if mom allows. aniway, she jus leave few blogs away frm me. =) [high chances] i'm jus soooo bored. cant blame. she the one who can does silly things and can make me do wif her *i mus be mad* and can realli make me happi :) i re-emphasis, i'm not a les. though esther thinks i'm.. dots. i was super high and i decided to chiong my amath tys and revision exercises in the textbook last night and jus now when i was waiting for jie and sms-ing smiley (: dunnoe wad strikes me. suddenly have the mood to study hard for o and i totally dun wan to go out shopping [though he asked me] and i realli wan to study.. and do well. maybe b'cos eoy papers as wad i expected will not be of good grades.. surely scoldings and naggings from teachers and parents will start which means no gaming; no everything. jus books and is TEXTbooks.. those that are wordly and i'll have a headache reading them. i didnt do any bits of my essays. i was too tired to do them. jus let them pile up the mean time. i've jus had my eoy lor. and he's understanding de lorr XD *i supposed so* no way man! it's gaming time.. at least till today. tmr will be a killer. we are getting back our scripts tmr. i hope i'll do well *seems not* at least get good eng, chi, phy, sh and amath marks. my piority are those.. =D i dun say i'm not scared. frankly, i'm veri veri veri veri veri veri scared

i wondered to myself today.. -case 1- if that day u care for me a little bit more if u didnt badmouth me if u didnt ps me if u jus let me a little perphas things will never end up like wad it is now i dun say i'm totally wrong nor totally rite but i tink it'll take 2 hands to clap -case 2- if u didnt accuse me of nothing perphas we'll be closer now like how we r in maple always together but u didnt noe and blame me for nothing at first ve feelings yet u destroy them all jus wif ur words we wont ever be the same as wad we used to be anymore jus purely frens now and in future good luck for ur interview today =) -case 3- how i wished u would know how much i <3> but u didnt and maybe dun even care u jus wan good grades and leave here u didnt care abt those who care or <3 style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">u r jus selfishless thinking of urself but i dunnoe y i'd fell so deeply in <3 and even believe ur promise do u mean it? or even intend to keep them? if u dun, y promise at first? i'm sooo confused but so much things happening abt tis few days yet i've absolutely have no one to talk to except jie but she's too busy wif her stuffs btw meishi, amy and angela cant bring myself to "torture" her wif my prob i used to think and believe i'm happy, contented wif my beloved ones yet one by one, they left me alone in tis world to solve my prob myself how can they ever be so heartless? maybe they jus refused to care or dun even bothered for someone like me the attitude prob person maybe tt's the reason :( *sighs i'm sorry i cant be perfect

knn. i was nice to wait for u and u didnt noe. stupid jie jie. her sms was "coming home le la" in 1opm and den it was 1.3oam and she wasnt back home lor. wtf. she said she comin back from orchard on amy's bike. not pretty fun cos she can take 3.5h to reach home. even take mrt cum (worst to worst) 2o min walk home also wont be so long lorr. !*@#%&*& she even say wad.. u got so nice meh? surely is play com de. and i didnt at all. shit. great things happen: maple increase 3 lvl in 3 days.. ahha =) look at the time :)

now i'm so addicited to maple.. but it's alrite cos it's holidays liao.. maybe b'cos it's dune to who i play wif la =) *winks* [maple lg] haha.. nice time out there wif everything free =) thanks alot arh.. or else i sure still play pq..den have to wait long long. thanks for guiding me ard (though i always get lost) ppl, wan to add me then go ahead lo.. me aqualia. character: evelyn180790.. mage. pathetic level of 22. wanna pq also can. but c where maple lg online 1st anot =P if he online den sorri.. i'm still worried.. i dunnoe who to side now. i rather take no stand.. but i dunnoe if i can. both of them realli cares abt me (and i noe *thanks).. how?how? no one can help me except for me to help myself.. i think i'll be dead. oh ya, big jon i cant tell u la. it's a promise to her*.. sorri. i dunnoe whether they mean wad the both of them said in her blog. but..somehow i feel that all those are fake. die liao. god, let me find u cos i wan to noe how shld i solve it so as not to hurt the both of my pals =)

exams are over! time to celebrate and have fun. but to think of essay questions time as well.. *sighs* and to worry on my results :( wuman is sick in hospital wif dengue fever. hope u get well soon :) i'm getting confused once again. frenship probs are rising once again.. and i knew wad's the prob. but i cant say anything abt it. i've promise. i'm not going to care abt all this anymore. i dun give a damn on all tis. solve them urself. u left me there once wif all those prob. so i shld do the same cos i'm never nice.

i saw des's blog and immediately went to fiona's blog. no doubt i still vividly rmb kenneth. those old days when i was online; seeing his messages; how he cheered me up when i was feeling down. in fact, ken is jus like an older brother towards me. i dunnoe y i'd say this.. but maybe b'cos i dun have any brothers. and surprising he was the one which could cheer me up (besides certain guys i've met) whenever my nick seems some kind of unhappiness. he would be there to talk to me and asked me about the prob i've faced. whenever the name of victoria sch is mentioned to me, i can onli recall mike and kenneth.. i thot to myself wondering y god have to be cruel and let all of us cried and miss him? and of cos, let him live this world when he's jus a mere teenager? but looking things in a different way, perphas it's a form of blessing in disguise for kenneth perphas a form of release for him. i dunnoe. i realli miss those times when we chat on msn. [if u guys thot he's like my bf/wad, it's not. he's my fren fren. and he died few years back :(] des, i dunnoe how to face u. so, i decided to blog instead. many times i wanted to sms u instead but i didnt noe wad to say so i gave up. i appreciate ur kindness and ur sms-es when i was feeling down and everything. u gave me advice and hold my fall each time when i was on sudidal. i doubt if i still can find "girl frens" who could care as much as how u did. now, i can offer u nothing but to cry wif u each time and to lend u my shoulder. thanks for everything u have been providing me =D http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/2284/p40sn.gif http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/1926/p83jz.gif those words which i wanted u to noe. hope u do. [click to c those pics]

exams are finally ending. though still ve lots of undone work (like essays and sch stuffs) it's quite a nice break for me. but one thing.. i'm fear. i fear of disappointment for my exams. and tt's often wad i'll be thinking right at this moment. since the day when i realised how much results matter to me, i'm always scared of exams and sometimes even tests. one example will be: whenever mr chew came into class holding a stack of wad-it-seems-like-test-papers, i'd be so stressed up and my brains will be refused to function; i'll refused to listen to wad he's saying in class. i did make an effort to study. right now. tis year. i studied like i never did; paying attention to all subjects and topics; whether i like it anot. but my brain totally refused to accept those knowledge that is laid right before me. *sighs* [when can i grow into someone who is clever; and not nerdy] i stayed back in sch on fri for phys. i pon the last session and so decided to go.. we went in late cos we went to eat at kfc first.. den we slowly walked back to sch (but seems like i'm the one running.. cos i dragged big jon to go wif us).. den after which we stayed back to ask mdm lim lots of questions (and jon ps us) den it was like 5++.. saw mr chew.. den was pretty shag. it's like he'll remind me of the eoy paper and den the test which we got back when he scolded us "absolute rubbish". i cant forget how he scold. he didnt even scold us when i was in sec 1, the young; ignorant and talkative class of mine. i'm pretty scared of mon. i've phys and geo.. *sighs* they r pretty tough for me. i've guess i'll flunked this eoy papers pretty badly. luckily, ms picca said that i wont stay back. tt's a positive sign i supposed.

i'm finally back in blogging. and i hope this entry shld be long :)) those papers which i've taken were pretty tough. the worst were chem and geo. i've never done such a tough paper b4.. when i flip open the paper, my eyes nearly popped out. imagine that.. popped eyes. look ard me den ppl doing them liao. looked up at the time.. 1o mins had passed.. den i panic.. quickly do.. and anyhow lo.. the rest were quite alrite la. everyone complained how tough was the geo paper.. except terence of cos! he wrote 16 pages long. can anione imagine??? i onli write abt 8 pages if i not wrong. i tink the girls didnt do veri good.. cos all like dunnoe how to do.. but i was quite dispppointed at amath... it was like i've lost 11 marks... and i did badly wanted to get higher marks.. not to chiben la.. is someone else.. history paper was quite "chim".. i onli knew how to do the 2nd part of seq.. and the first part was horrible. i wrote barely half page.. but the second was better.. i wrote abt 2 pages long.. (as wad i did usually) ss paper was abt the same as history paper.. i noe one and dunnoe the other.. *sighs* i did a horrible thing. i asked esther to drink cindy's bt. i feel it was horrible la.. den i asked esther to drink; telling her how "nice" it tasted.. den she drink it; trusting my instinct.. den i was luffing non-stop.. and i didnt notice there was a hole in front of me (cos i was walking on the grass patches) den i fell flat. and twice.. cos i lost my momentam.. it was super embrassing lorr... and den alot of ppl c lorr. *no face liao* we ate at kfc. and i saw shawnniee, cherry, yi kai and small jon.. i was scolded for nothing. it was like wth lorr.. i didnt do anything wrong and i was accused by benkok and scolded as well. is like i went to buy my food first. naturally, i would wait for the rest la.. budden i kind of make the cashier pissed off la.. cos she misheard my orders.. den was like she's angry la.. and when i went back to my seat (where benkok was there ald) and he kind of angry.. and say i never wait for them. fine. i'm not going to explain. so i didnt say anyting.. jus smsing esther there. no one in my 'gan' family had ever scolded me before. oh ya. i forget to add on. i saw mdm sim today.. and i complain of the tough paper for geo.. she didnt help me :( onli say i didnt study enughh.. *sighs* den after that like that lorr.. mus study!!!! (i'm not a les, mind u. i'm jus close wif her :)) i've been having funni dreams for the past few days. dream on o8/1o. i dream mr d came my house and tutor me. after that.. he was fidgeting at my hse the hello kitty tissue box. haha. pretty wierd. den after that.. i dream the soonlee came to me and told me he's taking 'o' level. it's wierd cos i dun talk to him.. and is like to tell me.. dream on 11/1o. was when i was having a nap and den i dreamt on mdm phua and mdm sim. it's wierd to think of mdm phua..cos like not so close ma.. den mdm sim like normal la.. :) it was like it was raining and i lend mdm phua my file (c her first; at carpark) den after that mdm sim came.. suddenly woke up by my sister.. wonder wad's next.. haha. den on 1o/1o. i dreamt i was in hospital ward 335. and actually, dere wasnt this ward.. it was totally like "haunted" cos wad happen was like i applied to change ward due to loud noises at night.. den i told a nurse.. she looked at me wif blur vision.. and said.. there wasnt this ward no.. i was so horrified and couldnt slp that night... wierd wierd wierd! it's veri veri long entry.. and i'm lazy cos.. i'm done wif my blogskin. hope it's nice.. do comment at my taggie :) i'm done wif cindy's blog. i'm done wif esther's maquee for pics all in one day.. tt's today. gtg. wan to study emath :)

fye is going to end.SOON.which means no more sufferings and stress on wad to study; wanting to get good marks =D yet. i've to be stress on my grades that will be out. and of cos, my essays which i o ppl =X geography is a killer man. if can pass i happy liao. i lost 11 marks in amath!!! grr.. nvm. still got chance of a1! =D blog more soon.. currently doing a new skin

exams r here finally. some days which i can go home early.. such as today!!! can go home at 12 liao.. it's like super early.. went to shop ard for some present before going to qi ji to eat... the ppl there were lots and me, esther and jovene managed to find a seat.. yet.. it was pretty outside and luckily we did get a space =D thank guys for walking wif me at tamp.. we saw chen chuan (or rather the ex-2e6s members) alot of time and it's somewad like "yuan jia lu zai" haha.. den i saw iris at tm basement staircase.. hmm.. pretty surprise lorr.. is like i didnt go there b4.. yet can c her today... i ate pretty fast for esther's sake.. she was meeting her fren and she was going to be late... i never ate so fast b4.. after which i even sent her home. i cant believe that i'm so nice. *sobs* eng paper shld be considered alrite lorr.. some 'o' level style. but the summary was totally difficult. i've never encounter such difficult summary.. it was like totally no points for me to write about.. hope i can pass wif good marks.. ^.^ ss paper today was super chim. it wasnt actually difficult.. but somehow time was running out and tt's explains my horrible handwritting. it was realli veri jia liat as i dun realli write in that way.. i had one hour and i had to do 2 more sbq and 1 seq. poor time management man.. so wad even if i'm willing to let go of the past and forgive u? to be wad we used to be in the past would be too difficult.. for u've brought me c the light; led me away from those darkness and brought be high up in the sky; landing on clouds.. yet, u hit me.. u did not let me land on earth again but u drop me into hell where i'm all alone w/o any help or frens. i wont ever forget when u go ard and badmouth in front of my used-to-be frens which they even believed the untruthful things and left me all alone. u say things that r not true on me but did i ever did anything wrong towards u? i dunnoe and i cant be bothered anymore :)) charmed life i'm having.. no nid anything else except trust, love, care and concern from everyone =D oh ya, tis msg is for esther: i wont b.cum les as wad u think. anyway, i'm straight. i look for guys and not girls lorr.. wad makes u tink that way? hmm. it doesnt mean that cutting myself=les rite? *sighs* it's some other reason.

exams r right abt in the corner studying is my priority now even if i <3 u exams r the priority for me all those can come after that or even after 'o' study hard now jiayous =D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to esther! esther realised wad's wrong wif me she saw all that was on me and she looked thru me thanks alot mei but pls dun say anything abt it anymore maybe i need alot of attention when i'm feeling realli sad but i jus wan someone who can sit beside me where we jus keep silent watching the sea waves sitting on the wave breaker rock jus understanding each other is enughh we dont nid to know everything jus understand each other inside out i miss the day at our class bbq when i had peace out alone u did came up to me and asked how i was how i hoped u stay there and be wif me jus the 2 of us how sweet it will be i lost everything the old me and u i'm now left wif nothing does this place ve anything left to rmb? i hope to go far from here yet i dun wan to lose u wad's this life all abt i dunnoe peace out ` escape

grrr.. feeling at the end of my life. feel like ending it once and for all. i did silly things which i shld have. and did i ever regret when i did it? i doubt for the answer. in the past, i used to have a fear when i c my frens or anyone who did that.. i sure will persuad or run far far away.. yet, i myself is doing the same thing. it's such a irony. last night i finally brought up the subject after 2 months. i've finally come out wif a stand. i took 3o minutes to think wad to say and after which i send the msg. i waited. my heart beat faster and faster when each second passed by. 7 minutes and 25 seconds when the reply came back [godness know how come i can survive after waiting so long] and after which i was realli sad. and feel like crying. i didnt talk to anyone abt this and i've no intention to do so. i still replied in a super stupid tone if u can analysis "alrite. nvm" and tt's wad i did. i did the silliest thing. and luckily, onli 2 ppl realised. kor and jon. ok, i supposed it was kor who saw it and tell jon. so well, y cant u all leave me alone? and let me be the person who jus die there alone? i dun nid anyone to have self-pityness for me. i dun nid anyone who care for me for other personal advantages. i rather be left alone. ALL ALONE. kor, if u ever say anything to anyone abt it wad u saw.. i swear, i'll BREAK ALL TIES wif u. and i'll do it. u shld noe, i mean wad i say.. the stare when i looked at u seemed so different now. maybe b'cos of the sms. nothing will ever be the same anymore. hurts.. r they meant to be forgotten or to be remember? *sians* i dunnoe anymore now. i onli noe 2 months ago, our promise. do u ever rmb them? i tried my best in doing wad u wanted. and now i realised i've fallen deep in <3 chiben finally came back to sch. i told him abt the trigo amath test. both of us r determined to be getting good marks. hehe. i told him, it's alrite for him to win me.. but not * and we both will do our best!!!! i dun seemed to be having frens now. somehow, my family problems make me not wanting to talk abt my problems. maybe it's normal for me not to talk abt my prob. so wad even if i'm able to let go my thoughts? no one can helped me. they can onli counsel. the frens which i have dun realli seemed to like me too. at least (to console myself), there are definately SOMEONE out there who is willing to shower me wif love, care and concern. it's jus i dunnoe yet as this person is in the midst still waiting for me to find. i dun wan anything i jus wan someone who can shower me wif love; care and concern all those cuts which i had inflicted on myself doesnt hurt at all.

i scored the SECOND highest for amath!!!! 3 cheers. i jus wan u to be happi ferr me jus u and no one else yet u dun seem to be *sighs* the stupid trigo test pulled me down... i didnt do veri well la.. but it's better than wad i expected lorr.. i thot i'll onli get 13/3o and den realised i got 22/3o.. hehe. happi.. as usual, chiben got the highest!!! (grrr!) ok, i'll do better in the eoy. pok quen is coming right after me. jus 2 marks and we will be the same. i wont let him beat me lorr.. or else me and chiben wont be the top liao... ^.^ evil me i passed my geo test.. unexpected lorr.... i get 6o%.. hmm.. mr chew say it's not good.. onli getting As then is good. freak! i mus do well lorr.. and for my physics too.. i dun seemed to be getting good marks... mdm lim is nice la.. budden i cant get my facts right. SUPER sian. i'm getting better in my combined humanities and my chem.. well, that's good sign. it'll definately give me the feeling to chiong again.. ha! i mus and have to work hard for eoy. at least not to let down myself, mr d and of cos, all my WONDERFUL teachers who have been supporting me all this times. english and chinese paper one shld be breeze thru~ at least can do.. not so bad lorr.. i mus score well... i FORGOT the format for newsletter.. ms picca goanna kill me for this. she did WENT THRU wif us.. and i forgot to write "written by" and sign off. freak! i hate wad the fucking news all abt me. they may be harmless, but they r super irriating. can u all STOP it. he dun like it and so do i. no one have the right to interfere wif my life.. and trust me- tt's SLANDERing!!! sorry jun wei daddy. i dun mean to quarrel wif ya. budden u realli pissed me off when u shouted and giving me attitude. SORRY.

i'm having my exams tomorrow morning which is abt 15hours later??? i think i should be able to survive for the both of paper one for both languages. i've done my revision for both of them already and shld be quite confident la.. budden i'm afraid of the difficult questions which might be posted for us. this year's standard (i suppose) isnt realli veri good.. as compared to 2 years ago lorr.. sians.. they realli did veri good for their exams. hope this batch would be good as well :)) *winks*

freaks! my exams are coming and i'm still slacking i nid to buck up in my studies le dun wanna be staying back in sec 3 wan to go sec 4e3 and other class and wan my class ppl all go TOGETHER i'm still stuck wif physics i dunnoe wad to do now i dun seemed to understand ANYTHING abt it so.. prepared to fail lor but i'll try at least to study "never say die" -energizer's slogan- it's realli wired when u asked me to buy a wrapping paper to wrap a gift for a gal i dunnoe u dun sms me alot but when u do i'm realli elated but it's not the kind which i wan *sighs* the never contented me